


Snowstar

by Littlemapleleaf



Series: Of Wounds and the Sky [2]
Category: Splatoon
Genre: Angst, Brooding, Character Study, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sequel, Slow Burn, Sporadic Updates, headcanons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2020-07-09 18:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlemapleleaf/pseuds/Littlemapleleaf
Summary: In which Captain Kepa of Inkopolis finds an old relic from her past, a certain commander makes an attempt to rediscover what she lost, and poor Anthias is dragged along for the car ride.The sequel to First Aid Kits and Deep Secrets.





	1. In Which there is a Road Trip

**Author's Note:**

> It's been almost a year since I first finished FAKADS. I've always known that I wanted to come back here; and now I have. As the goal of this story is to explore the relationships of Kepa, Tosix, and Anthias, May and Lacey do not feature prominently in this story. That does not mean I won't ever write a story about them again. I have plans. Oh how I have plans. However, updates will probably be fairly few and far between. I've got an internship that takes up a lot of my time, so I can't work on it much.
> 
> ReedRGale has made a wonderful return to beta this chapter, and as always I really appreciate it.
> 
> Please enjoy the first chapter of Snowstar!

_Tosix dreamed, sometimes, of being sanitized. Of having everything-_ everything _about her wiped away. Pushed into darkness. To awaken with no clue, no context, as to who she might be, and no choices riding upon her shoulders._

_Even then, however, she was certain Kepa would come and find her..._

* * *

Kepa’s voice shattered Tosix’s dream. 

“Hey, do you want to stop for coffee?”

Tosix blinked the grogginess from her eyes and glanced left. Kepa was staring carefully at the road ahead, gaze sharp behind her glasses. 

Glasses. Tosix marvelled, taken aback. Fifteen years ago, Kepa hadn’t worn glasses.

“ _I’d_ like some coffee,” replied the young man in the backseat. Anthias, Tosix remembered.

“You just had tea.”

“And I want coffee. Can’t I have coffee?”

Kepa rolled her eyes, playfully. She glanced expectantly at Tosix.

“Well?” Her brown eyes asked the rest of the question.

Tosix kept her mouth shut. Kepa sighed.

“You know what, I want coffee. Let's get coffee.”

Kepa swerved the car into an exit lane. The stretch of trees above became a swath of stubby buildings and road. Finally, they stopped in the parking lot of small coffee shop _._ Tosix had seen three just like this one along the road already. 

“Do you want to come in?” Kepa asked her.

_No._

“Don’t worry,” Kepa added, sternly, “I’ll protect you.”

Kepa? Protect anyone? Tosix forced open the car door and stepped outside. Ignoring the sting of her freshly-cut tentacles in the open air, she stalked to Kepa and Anthias and resisted the urge to cross her arms like a child. She kept her face blank.

“So it’s spite that motivates you,” Anthias muttered. Kepa gave him a stern look.

“Behave.”

The shop’s interior, Tosix decided a minute later, was a gross indulgence in poor resource management. Wooden chairs and tables, the countertop, the damn _walls._ It was an ocean of waste, broken only by the bright blue of Kepa’s tentacles. All of this could have been put to better use as paper, which itself could have been avoided if they’d the power to produce data banks to- 

_There is nothing you can do about that anymore._

Aside from the cashier, there were two Inklings seated in the cafe, engrossed in glowing laptop screens, ears nestled in headphones. Tosix’s lip curled. They hadn’t even noticed her.

Kepa strode to the cashier with barely a glance at the menu.

“I’d like two small black coffees, please. Tosix? What would you like?”

Tosix glanced at the menu, but despite being able to read Inkling, she still had no idea what anything was. Then her eye caught it, at the bottom of the display. _Tea._ Perhaps she would humor Kepa.

“Tea.”

“What flavor would you like?” asked the cashier, a sprightly looking Inkling who had yet to notice Tosix’s tentacles.

“I don’t care.”

Tosix watched Kepa fish a wallet from her pocket, then glanced at Anthias. He seemed calm enough, but she saw a needle of agitation in his clenched fingers, how he kept glancing at his phone. Checking the time? Tosix edged closer until she towered above him, and glanced down at the screen.

DJ Octavio had asked her once, when she had still been recovering, how Inkling technology was developing. She had answered, _infantile_ , thinking this might endear him more to her. 

That had been a lie. Some of it, yes, was years behind. But some was years ahead. There were no cell phones underground.

What she saw in Anthias’ hand was incomprehensible This, more than anything, irked her. When Kepa showed up and pressed a paper cup of tea into Tosix’s hand, she had to fight the urge not to throw it back at her.

“Let’s go back,” Kepa said, as though to lead them all, but Tosix noticed how she stayed behind the other two, as though to make sure that Tosix was coming.

And so they returned to the car, which Tosix was beginning to loathe, and sat in silence once more. Tosix took a sip of her tea, exploring the feeling of her tongue burning and its awful bitter taste.

“So,” asked Anthias, eventually, “why tea?”

Tosix ignored him, sipping more.

“Starfish is clearly a coffee place. So why tea?”

“She doesn’t have to answer if she doesn’t want to, Anthias,” Kepa interrupted.

Tosix scowled.

“As though I know anything about your resource wasting coffee chains.”

Anthias’ face lit up. “So it _is_ spite!”

“Anthias!” Kepa chided.

It was his own turn to scowl. “I’m just curious!”

After watching a few trees slip past the corner of her gaze, Tosix twisted in her seat to meet his eyes.

“Do you think there are many resources, in the kettles?”

“How would I know? Maybe that’s why I’m asking.”

“Petulant,” remarked Tosix, a too-sharp grin on her face. This one had some fight in him. Under her guiding hand, perhaps it could be honed-

For some reason, Mallory’s face flashed in Tosix’s mind. Her mood soured.

“In the kettles there is little light with which to grow crops.Because there is little energy, priorities are made. Tea is not one of them. I’m drinking tea because I _can.”_

She took another sip of her tea. It burned.

* * *

_Kelp was dreaming again. She knew this because she was Kelp and not Tosix. Back in her armor, her namesake drifted lazily from her tentacles as though submerged._

_And Kepa was there too, in full Inkling military regalia. She wore no glasses, her brown eyes scarless. She smiled, saccharine at Kelp, as she leaned over a table between the two of them and signed her name. Then she slid the document across the table. It looked like a peace treaty, almost, except that when she stared at the words they began to move and drift until they formed the shape of Kepa._

_Kepa, wearing a gown made of starlight. Kepa, dancing beneath the moon, away from Inkopolis’ light and the surface. Kepa, emanating light. Kepa, in Kelp’s room, waiting for her at the end of each day with the same sweet smile of their youth._

_“Welcome home, darling,” crooned dream-Kepa, taking a coat off of Kelp’s shoulders and hanging it on a hook, “I’ve made dinner.”_

_Then they were sitting at a table, which Kelp had never owned, and Kepa was placing a steaming plate of something in front of her._

_“It looks good,” said Kelp, not even looking at it. She was too busy watching Kepa’s intent stare. Finally, she looked down, lifting a fork._

_On the plate lay Mallory._

* * *

Mount Nantai was just coming into view when Tosix finally woke up, shouting. Kepa swerved the car to the roadside and slammed the breaks, inciting a shocked cry from Anthias. Kepa spun to face Tosix.

“Tosix!”

“Fuck off!” Tosix growled, unbuckling herself. She stormed from the car to the treeline, and slammed her fist into the nearest tree. Bark streaked blue cuts across her knuckles. She screamed.

“Tosix!” Kepa marched close, crunching dead leaves beneath her boots, splaying her palms skyward. “Are you alright?”

“Go away, Kepa.”

Kepa shook her head. “I just got you back. I’m not giving you up now.”

“You should.” Tosix looked away, a grim smile on her face.

“No.”

“You don’t know who I am anymore.”

Kepa reached out. When Tosix didn’t flinch away, she rested her hand on the point of Tosix’s shoulder.

“I’d like to learn,” said Kepa. “Please, come back into the car. We’re almost there. I can’t see the stars without you.”

Kepa’s eyes were earnest, concerned. Tosix had forgotten those eyes. How they bore through her, like they _knew_ her, even when they really didn’t.

After their fight, Kepa had carried Tosix home to her townhouse, far from that old apartment in which they’d nearly killed each other twice. She had sat Tosix in a cozy armchair, lit a fire in the hearth. Kepa’s fingers had been gentle as she wrapped each bleeding tentacle-end and cleaned the wounds. The firelight had reflected on her glasses, obscuring the expression on her eyes. Had they been this warm? This worried?

“Well,” Tosix sighed, “I did agree to go, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“I shouldn’t have.”

“I will _drag_ you back into that car.”

Tosix bared her teeth. “You think you could do that?” Her hands curled into fists.

Kepa cocked her head, frowning. “I could.”

Behind her, Anthias slid from the car.

“Don’t come over here, kid,” Kepa said, without looking. She reached out a hand to Tosix. “I thought I got through to you.”

Kepa’s open palm was inviting. Tosix stared down at her own clawed fingers, her knuckles stained blue. Mallory’s blood had been blue as well, when Tosix had tortured him. She wondered how he was coping on his own. Inkopolis had been terrifying and loud and messy when she had first run there. And Mallory wasn’t like she had been, not a _fighter._ He suffered so easily. Tosix had contributed, so many times. Something she couldn’t tell Kepa.

“I’m going to get blood on your hands,” Tosix muttered.

Kepa stepped into Tosix’s space. Lacing her dark fingers between Tosix’s pale ones with her right hand, Kepa lifted Tosix’s chin with her left.

“I don’t care.” Kepa insisted.

It was funny. The Kepa of Tosix’s memories had such passive expressions. Not the Kepa before her, though. Her eyes were fiery, face fervid and intense. Tosix was going to buckle beneath them.

Kepa turned, towing Tosix back to the car. 

Tosix let her.

She sat in the passenger's seat once more, vowing not to sleep for the rest of the trip. In the backseat, Anthias played with his phone, silent. But she caught him looking up at her through the rearview mirror every now and then.

* * *

The car finally sputtered to a stop after a long drive up a looping mountain road, in front of a massive cabin of dark wood. Half-melted snow, barely lit by the sunset, slid down its sloped roof. It looked cold and empty inside. 

Kepa stepped from the car to the gravel driveway out front, stretching. Tosix watched the arch of her back, then dragged her eyes away, pulling herself from the car. A glance to Anthias revealed the young man forcing open the trunk of the car.

“Well, here we are!” Kepa was smiling.

“It’s...” Tosix searched for the words, “certainly something.”

“I used to visit my grandparents here all the time. There’s this perfect balcony in the back for star-gazing.”

Tosix glanced up. “It's cloudy.”

Kepa cursed. “Well, let's get settled. I think it’ll clear up by tomorrow. Do you want me to carry your bag?”

Calling it Tosix’s bag was a lie. It belonged to Kepa. All of the clothing within had been loaned. There was soap and spare toothbrush, and, for some reason, a cucumber sandwich, wrapped neatly in plastic. As though they were teenagers again _._ Clearly the years had not ruined her the way they had ruined Tosix.

Ignoring Kepa, Tosix snatched the bag from the car. Slinging the duffel bag over her shoulder, she marched to the cabin door, watching as Kepa and Anthias gathered their things. Kepa locked the car with the click of a button, speeding past Tosix to unlock the cabin.

Inside it was cold and dark. 

Tosix dropped her bag on the hardwood floor. Used to dim light from years underground, she took in the shape of the living room. The concave of the ceiling was two storeys above them, highlighted with dark, wood planks. At ground level, a brick fireplace surrounded by soft sofas and a glass coffee table stretched its chimney to meet the ceiling. Massive windows made up the back of the cabin, revealing a snow-dusted forest. Distantly, further up the mountain, Tosix made out the outline of another house.

Kepa fumbled for the lightswitch. After a moment, a small click sounded. Light emanated from an iron chandelier, hanging from a ceiling. Details became visible- the plush armchairs were clothed in light blue brocade, the wood was a deep brown. A flat screen tv had been set up above the fireplace.

To the left, separated by a half-wall, was a spiral staircase and a decadent kitchen. Ignoring the kitchen, Tosix strode to the staircase.

“You forgot your bag,” called Anthias, lifting it for her.

Tosix sighed, but stamped back for it, snatching it from the young man’s hand.

“I’m going. To bed.”

Upstairs was a carpeted hallway. Tosix randomly selected a room, slamming the door behind her. Then she stopped.

Kepa’s room. _Of course._

The bed was small, across from an open closet. Books were stacked atop the wooden dresser. Some Tosix recognized. 

A dictionary of Octarian symbols and words. A history book, detailing the war. A scrapbook. All things which she recognized from Kepa’s apartment, from way back then.

Tosix lifted the scrapbook, ignoring its dust, and dropped her bag on the floor. Sitting beside it, she reached within and pulled out the cucumber sandwich. It crunched nicely between her teeth as she opened the scrapbook. Though the bread was soggy, the cream was sweet and the cucumber fresh. The thought that Kepa had gone to so much trouble did strange things to Tosix’s heart.

The first page of the scrapbook was blank white but for the neat line upon which Kepa had printed her name. Even back then her handwriting had been clean and delicate. Tosix flipped the page, and was met with a photo of an infant Kepa, cradled in the arms of her parents. Behind them was the same window that now let moonlight into Tosix’s room. In the photo, a sunrise painted the sky. Tosix pressed her calloused fingers to baby-Kepa’s soft cheeks.

Tosix had never wondered who her parents had been. It was different when you were raised to be a soldier, to know nothing but fighting and the lies of your superiors. Even when Kepa asked it seemed... irrelevant. Something Tosix never needed. After all, she had Kepa.

Again, Tosix turned the page. More bits from Kepa’s life: school friends, graduation, dance recitals. A picture she had taken with Tosix, in their old apartment. This one gave her pause. A young, teenage Kepa stared at her, standing above a seated, young Tosix. Kepa’s left hand rested gently upon the tiny Tosix’s shoulder, her right positioning the camera above them. Past-Tosix glanced up, uncertain, at Kepa. Like Kepa was her entire world.

Tosix couldn’t look away. Not from this strange, unscarred Tosix and alien, expressive Kepa. Their emotions were clear on their faces: joy, wonder, fear. Kepa with her big smiles, Tosix with her tiny ones. Back then, Tosix had been nervous just to hold hands.

Now, Tosix realized, being near Kepa at all had her on edge. There was something wrong. The perfect Kepa, the one who Tosix had tried to hate for years and years after it had all happened, was gone. Now there was this strange woman in her place. She was not the person she had known.

This room then, was all Tosix had left.

Tosix sighed. It was getting late. Standing, she slipped off her boots and padded across the soft carpet to Kepa’s bed. Lifting her hand, she went to pull out the covers, but stopped at the sight of her scarred hand. Stepped backwards. 

She couldn’t sleep up there. Not in _Kepa’s_ bed. 

Here would do fine. She sat, and lay on the carpet.


	2. In Which There Is Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I finish the next chapter. I know it was a long time coming and I appreciate you all sticking around! College takes up a lot of my time (can you believe I just finished sophomore year? I started writing FAKADS while in sophomore year of High School, for reference. Man has it been a while) so it is always exciting when I manage to get another chapter out.
> 
> I won't abandon this fic. While I do have plans for a final single-chapter story to end this whole series, Snowstar wraps up a lot of character arcs that felt unfinished to me before. I am very excited that I still get to work with these characters.
> 
> Well, here is the next chapter! Please enjoy! And thank you to ReedRGale for betaing this series since basically the beginning. I'm eternally grateful and really appreciate it.

Kepa rose with the morning moon.

She woke to the whir of the air conditioning and groaned, slapping a hand on her bedside table until it found her alarm clock. The screen lit blue, displaying the time: four o’clock in the damn morning. She should sleep. She had driven all day, on top of taking care of a very unstable Tosix. Kepa grabbed a pillow and covered her face.

She tried to let sleep take her, but a growing headache impeded her progress. 

Groaning, Kepa tossed the pillow aside and groped for her glasses, shoving them facebound with the grace of a fish out of water. Soft, blurry-edged furniture clarified into shapes.

The moonlight peered through a veil of clouds and splashed through the massive windows of the master bedroom. Silver streaks highlighted dark wooden furniture lining the rectangular room, brushing against its seemingly-ancient shag carpet. Mostly reminding Kepa that she was the only cephalopod awake and that she was going to have to exist in the lonely, surreal quiet for at least four more excruciating, painful hours. Growling, she kicked off her blankets and stormed to the dresser.

When Kepa had informed her parents that she needed to borrow the lodge for a while, they had teased her about bringing over a girlfriend. “Trying to impress her, huh?.” Kepa had sighed without refuting the claim. She still loved Tosix, fifteen solitary years later. But they had been children then. Fifteen years was a long time.

Outside, snow spun peacefully into the backyard. Further in the distance, Kepa could barely make out the backyard of their neighbor’s homeA light shone in a distant window. Kepa wondered who was awake at this hour, and conceded it was probably Pearl. That girl never changed. She had to be close to Anthias’ age, right? He was almost an adult. Maybe she could send him over there. It would give her some much-needed time alone with Tosix.

Kepa sighed, finished changing, and left the room. Her feet made no sounds on the floor because she did not want them to. Old habits die hard. Training, doubly so. Kepa made her way downstairs and wandered into the foyer, clicking on the lights.

“Ow!”

Kepa raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing awake?”

Anthias squinted up at her from where he had hunched on the couch over a glowing laptop.

“We can’t all have healthy sleeping habits,” he squawked.

“I’m up too, aren’t I?”

“I’m sure you have everything under control.”

Kepa dropped herself beside him on the couch. “Hardly, kid.” Startled at her own admission, she bit her lip.

Anthias shut his laptop. “You seem so well adjusted and put together.”

“I’m not. I’m just very good at hiding my issues. It’s my job to stay in control.” She ruffled his tentacles. “There’s a lot of bullshit I’ve got that I just haven’t told anyone.”

“Like what?”

Kepa smiled. “Nice try, kid. Get some sleep.”

“I tried,” Anthias said, “but my head won’t shut up.”

Kepa stared at him for a moment. “Want some coffee?”

“It’s four in the morning.”

“Yet neither of us are asleep.”

“Fine. Coffee.”

Kepa stood and wandered to the kitchen. Atop the black marble countertops sat the kettle. What a blessed thing, a kettle. Through fifteen years of sleepless nights it had boiled water for coffee, sitting there beside her as she watched the sunrise, a steaming mug in her hands.

In just a few seconds she had filled it with water from the tap and started the heat.

She turned and began to rummage around in the cabinets.

“So what’s going on?”

“You ask me to share but you won't with me?”

“One day I will,” Kepa said, pulling a pour-over coffee maker from the cupboard and setting it on the countertop. She swivelled again, looking again in the cabinets. “But not yet. Not yet, Anthias. Now. What’s eating you?”

Anthias rubbed the back of his neck. “I got asked on a date. By Aaron.”

“And you’re nervous.”

“No,” said Anthias, leaning on the counter, “I’m worried it will go well and then somehow I’ll mess it up. I’m not good at relationships. You were my first  _ real  _ friend and you’re over a decade older than I am.” He began to twist one of his tentacles around his arm, over and over again. “How am I supposed to know how to ... you know... do romance?”

“If he likes you and he’s kind, then he’s going to be there for you. But, relationships are a two way street. If both of you want to be in a relationship, then both of you will have to work for it.” Finally, Kepa found what she was looking for. A jar of ground coffee, in the back of the fridge. Filling the coffee maker with a filter, she began to spoon in coffee. “But nobody said you  _ had _ to commit. Go on a date with him. See how you feel about it. Nothing has to be certain. You’re young. Enjoy yourself.”

The kettle began to howl.

“But what if I mess it up?”

Kepa shrugged. “It will be okay.”

“Like you and Tosix are  _ okay?” _

Alright. Kepa inhaled. Exhaled. A calming breath. Reminded herself that she was new to this whole advice thing. And that Anthias was new to friendship.

“Tosix and I... we’re working towards okay. She’s going to get better.  _ Be  _ better. I want to be there for her as she goes through that.” There was a clink. The water was ready. Time to press him, a bit. “Is this why you’re nervous? You’re worried you and Aaron will end up like Tosix and me?”

Anthias sighed, pressing his face against the counter. “I guess.”

Kepa took the kettle and poured the tiniest amount of water into the coffee maker. Just enough to wet the grounds. Years of routine helped her know the perfect method to make it. This was coffee. It was  _ easy.  _ Bitter at first, but add the right ingredients and it would soften to sweet. Once, Tosix had been all jagged edges with soft insides if you knew where to look. Now she was all sharp and untouchable and  _ different,  _ so entirely different. Kepa had no clue what the other woman needed.

“Tosix and I made a promise to each other, once,” said Kepa, “and I intend to keep it.” She tipped the kettle into Anthias’ ensuing silence and drenched the coffee with steaming liquid.

“She seems so... prickly,” Anthias observed, staring into the coffee like it contained the knowledge of the universe.

“She’s been through a lot. She’s done a lot too. But so have I. I am not that perfect girl she idolized when we first met. And she’s...”  _ capable of violence.  _ “Not the frightened girl I found in Inkopolis, terrified and alone.”

“I thought you weren’t telling me about your baggage.”

Kepa laughed. “You’re only looking at it, not unpacking it.”

She did not like to think of it, that strange time after she’d turned Tosix in, thinking that somehow she was  _ helping, _ and watched her be marched away in chains by the Octarians. The loneliness, the way the city of color seemed matte without her to show it to. She’d had nobody to care for, and then there had been the conscription. She had known too much to just let alone. She had not been given a choice in her career. But there were no wars to fight. The military had atrophied. Kepa had become some rusted tool, half-caked in dust but still lethal. Then... she glanced up at Anthias, who had found a mug and poured himself a drink. This kid. This angry kid had shown up. Given her someone to fight for again. Perhaps she was broken and unsuited for this sort of thing. But he was  _ so  _ alone and so here she was, trying to be better.

Anthias slid a mug over to her and Kepa filled it with coffee, sugar, then cream from the pantry. Anthias raised an eyebrow. Kepa raised her middle finger. Anthias laughed. Kepa ruffled his tentacles just to watch him squirm, embarrassed.

“I’m not some kid,” he huffed.

“Still a teen, aren’t you?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a kid. You’re my kid. And when we get back to Inkopolis you are going to go on that date with that nice boy and  _ enjoy  _ yourself.”

“Who are you, my mom?”

Kepa shrugged. “I don't know your life story.” She breathed, deep, and squared her shoulders. “But I could take that role, if you wanted.”

Anthias went quiet, staring into his cup. Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by footsteps. Kepa watched Tosix make her way down the stairs, silent as usual. She had taken off her bandages- the injured stumps of her tentacles were beginning to heal and needed the air. Her scars were out in the open, now.

Privately, Kepa thought that saddening as they were, they framed Tosix’s face so beautifully.

“I smell coffee,” Tosix remarked. 

Kepa gestured to the coffee maker. “I see none of us could sleep.”

“Guess not.”

Tosix poured herself a cup and sipped it. Immediately she blanched, reached over, and switched her mug with Kepa’s. Anthias rolled his eyes.

They stayed like that for a while, drinking coffee in silence. Tosix drew away, wandering to the window. Kepa admired her back, the way the sunrise highlighted the whole of her. A blotch of black and pale and pink against endless white snow.

Anthias tapped Kepa’s shoulder, then gestured pointedly at Tosix. Kepa shook her head. Anthias’ gesture grew more frantic.

Fair, thought Kepa. If I push you towards romance, you can too.

This was a romance, right?

Kepa joined Tosix at the window. She had long since drained her mug but failed to move from her spot at the window, staring blankly into the blizzard. Or perhaps... intently? Kepa followed her gaze. There, on the horizon, a dark shape huddled beneath a barren tree. Kepa could barely make out brown skin and green-tinted tentacles.

“Tosix,” Kepa asked gravely, “how long have they been out there?”

“Since I got here,” said Tosix. She sipped her cup, though it was empty.

“It’s not safe for them in the storm.”

Tosix sighed. “I suppose not.”

They stood in silence. After a moment, Kepa spoke. “You wanna wash that blood off your hands?”

Tosix bit her lip.

“I don’t believe that’s possible.” She glared at Kepa. “And what is saving one person going to change?”

“You, maybe.”

“Not when you’ve pushed me to do it.”

“You have to get started at some point, Tosix.”

“I don’t recall you ever being this forceful  _ before,”  _ Tosix bit.

“I haven’t been that child for a long time.”

Tosix huffed, shoved her mug into Kepa’s hands, and stormed towards the sliding glass door in the back. Kepa put the mugs down and rushed after her out into the snow. Snowflakes stung her unprotected tentacles. She hissed.

The dark shape in front of her grew closer and began to take form... as an Octoling. Tosix was already yelling.

“On your feet, Ida!”

“C- Commander Kelp?” breathed Ida, whoever she was.

“Follow me!”

Tosix reached out a hand. Ida did not look that happy to be taking it, but allowed Tosix to drag her into the safety of Kepa’s lodge. Anthias stood alert, if a little confused at the new arrival.

“Get a blanket,” Kepa ordered, “From the guest room.” Anthias rushed upstairs. Tosix lead Ida to the couch and sat her down. Arms crossed, she glared at Ida. Kepa interrupted their staring match.

“Too much time out in a blizzard like that can really hurt you,” Kepa said. “What were you doing out there? And without even a coat!”

The octoling crossed her arms over her scant uniform. She couldn’t be much older than Anthias. So, so young. “That’s not your business.”

“No,” said Kepa, “but it is my business not to let people freeze on my property. Which you are trespassing on, by the way.”

Anthias returned with the blanket and draped it over the octoling’s shoulders.

“I apologize,” said the octoling, “I didn’t mean to.”

Tosix scoffed. 

Ida glared at her, icey. “What are  _ you  _ doing here?”

“You could say I’ve defected,” Tosix bit. “But what are you doing here, Marina Ida?”

Marina shifted, uncomfortable, her octarian armor clinking with her movements. “I was running. From people like you.”

Tosix raised an eyebrow, but her face betrayed no surprise.

“Explain,” prompted Kepa.

“She was the DJ’s hands,” Marina said. “She helped mix the music that forced us to obey. I had that music  _ knocked  _ from me by a different song. It was beautiful and it rang through my head like a bell until I could hear my own thoughts and I- I couldn’t remain some puppet any longer.”

Kepa turned her head. “Tosix?”

“I told you,” said Tosix. “There’s blood on my hands.”

“I ran from you,” Marina spat, “but here you are.”

“This wasn’t my choice,” Tosix hissed. “I was deposed. Someone else rules now. I suppose you left before that fiasco.”

Marina grew quiet, wary.

Kepa had seen this before, fifteen years ago. She turned to Marina. “You want some coffee? It’s warm.”

“Sure,” replied Marina, definitely unsure. But she was young and afraid and alone, and Kepa knew what that was like. She was reminded of her conscription all those years ago, standing in formation in a uniform that didn’t fit alongside initiates that were suspicious of her. Nobody had helped Kepa then, nor even noticed her suffering. Not until Captain Cuttlefish had taken her in and trained her. Now here she was, in his position. There was something comforting about passing on the favor, as though Kepa was discovering pockets of kindness she had not even realized still remained from her youth.

As Kepa brewed the coffee, she watched the scene at the couch. Tosix had shut down, Marina clutching the blanket around her shoulders. Anthias, the poor boy, had settled on the armrest and begun to watch with poorly-disguised nervousness.

Kepa hoped she could manage this new challenge. After all, Tosix needed her. Yet Tosix had done terrible things, and this Marina had been her victim. Anthias was caught in the middle, but was ultimately Kepa’s ally. Two game pieces per side. If she maneuvered them just so, perhaps she could calm the situation. 

Kepa filled the coffee with sugar and milk and returned to the battlefield, pressing a steaming mug into Marina’s hand. The younger octoling watched it warily for a moment, then took a tentative sip. Then drank more. Successfully distracted, she did not pay attention when Kepa took Tosix by the hand and nudged her out the front door. The awning protected them from the snow, but the cold bit at the backs of Kepa’s heels.

“Tosix,” Kepa began, voice low. “I know your past was difficult. But I need to know what you did. Everything.”

Tosix rolled her eyes. “It’s ugly, Kepa. Better lock the door so you can leave me out here to rot in the snow.”

“We’ll weather this too, like we always have.”

“Fine. I mixed music to control minds, keep the army in sync and in check. I maimed. I tortured. I clawed tooth and nail to the top. To keep my position.”

Unable to stop herself, Kepa lifted her left hand to the constellation of scars on Tosix’s cheek, and then higher, to her mutilated tentacles, just barely healed. “Who did this to you?”

“ _ That’s  _ what you focus on?” Tosix’s fingers were trembling. “I did that to me.”

The scars that decorated half her body were much older. Kepa drew her hand down, to Tosix’s cheek, her touch gentle. Tosix’s breath hitched. “And these?”

“Punishment.” Tosix was unable to meet her eyes. “Fifteen years ago.”

Kepa moved her right hand to the nape of Tosix’s neck and drew her close, letting Tosix press her face into the curve of Kepa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” was all she said. 

Tosix remained frozen, for just a moment, and then her hands moved their way upwards, curling around Kepa’s shoulder blades.

“I’ve done such terrible things. I cannot reverse them.” Tosix whispered. “I know you want me to be better, but better isn’t easy. It isn’t something I want to do for me.”

Kepa replied: “Terrible things were done to you, and so you did terrible things. The point was never reversing them, or making amends. Those are things you cannot make up for, Tosix. The point is not hurting anyone anymore. The point is being okay.”

“I don’t-”

“I am asking you to do good, now. And maybe one day you’ll have put enough good back into the world that it outweighs the bad you’ve done. I don’t care when. I made you a promise, once, when we were small, that I wouldn’t abandon you.” And then she had turned Tosix in and done exactly that. But she was here now, wasn’t she?

“You should.”

Kepa shushed her. “I was small then. Now I am an adult. I was conscripted into the army after you were taken from me. I learned to  _ hurt  _ people. You learned to hurt people. Lets not hurt people, now. Not even ourselves.”

“I  _ hate  _ you,” Tosix moaned. “Just leave me be.”

Kepa hummed. “I’m here for you now. You’ll never be rid of me.”

“You’re too forgiving. You’re too  _ good _ .” Tosix paused, her voice softening just above a whisper. “When did you get so good?”

Kepa thought, for a moment, of Anthias. “Somebody needed me.” She pulled herself from the embrace, stepped backwards, and looked into Tosix’s eye. “I need  _ you,  _ Tosix. I always have. _ ” _

When Tosix had been fifteen, her eyes had betrayed every worry, every emotion. Recently, the remaining one had become cold, blank, and empty. Now Kepa looked into it and saw a depth, the ocean untouchable, rendered in green.

Tosix held Kepa’s hands. “I feel weak,” she admitted. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Good,” said Kepa. And then, “you’ll learn.”

All in good time, perhaps she would. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was planning this fanfiction I realized that the timeline matched up pretty well for Marina to show up, and that having her show up would be a fun way to have Tosix have to grapple with the harm she's done.
> 
> Look for the next chapter eventually! It will probably come out this year, but depending on how my summer goes it might take a bit. I'm working on other writing projects including my own, original novel right now.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading.


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